I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
