I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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