I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
