Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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