I heard we made out
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
