My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
