Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
