How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
