first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i think im in europe. pls send help
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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