speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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