idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
