I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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