my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
