it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't deserve a penis
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
