I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
