ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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