Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
