I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
