what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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