We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
