My first STD was from a foam party
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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