D3 body, D1 cock
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Two words: blizzard sex
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
