Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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