I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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