I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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