I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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