my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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