VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
