but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
