I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
