There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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