it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
