I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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