I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
