Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
