The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
