I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
