Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
