I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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