dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize