WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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