$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
