His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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