last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
