saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
