Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
