man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
