Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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