Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
