I puked a lego.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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