I cannot find my penis.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's official drugs can't kill me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
