I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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