I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Where is the hickey?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
