Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's rum buckets o'clock
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
