Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
