I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
