i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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