She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
