I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
