So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
