at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
