saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
