maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
