She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
