was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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