I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
