just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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