Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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